so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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