i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
