i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
