This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
