you have to choose: penises or morals?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
