this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
