i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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