Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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