I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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