My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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