Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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