One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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