hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
