We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
