Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
