well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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