I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So here I am, sexting at work.
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