i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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