I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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