Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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