Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
