i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
