i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
