Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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