i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
