Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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