Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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