I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
