i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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