I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
