I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
