Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
