I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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