yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
