You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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