i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
