I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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