somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
