I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
