apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
