We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16