If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
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Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed