did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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