Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
