Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.