Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
