i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So many bounce houses so little time
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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