eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
