You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize