I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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