theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
