That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
