with your own penis?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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