I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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