Where did you get a picture of my penis
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
