Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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