Yo dont text me then not text me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
