I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
