Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
