so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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