Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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