My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
