He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
