Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
