id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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