Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
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if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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