Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
