Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
