dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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