She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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