pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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